It has come to this.
I understand now why so many of my favorite authors have moved on to non-sexy writing. To closed doors. To killing off the fictional love of their heroines in the story that just united them.
It's tough to write sexy when:
1) You go to bed and all you do is stretch, moan at the goodness of the bed, move into position, close your eyes, only to open your eyes and its morning already. What happened to the dreaming? Then, when you sit in front of the puter and try to think sexy, it's all about SLEEP.
2) Everyone's so young. You go shopping and the clothes are so young. You go to the store and are "ma'amed" left and right. The older men are checking out your neighbor's daughter. You're guided and explained to and ignored like you just don't understand today's technology. Then you sit in front of the puter and try to think sexy, it's all about MURDER.
3) Forgetfulness. You keep forgetting how "innocent" feels :). Then, in front of the computer, world-weariness and cynical lines fall out of the mouths of too-young almost virginal heroines. Lines that you know belong to older forty-somethings. The story starts morphing into the older cynical FBI profiler who is after the serial murderer.
4) Inappropriate cackling. You tackle the Big Misunderstanding in the story and you start laughing when the heroine is crying. Your fingers type out the big bad boy being angsty and running off on his bike and you start giggling. You outline the sexiest characteristics on your sheet, look down, and he suddenly sounds like a serial murderer rapist stalker and that makes you laugh some more. It's suddenly all about KILLING.
5) People left and right are making you feel old. May be your kids. May be your husband. May be your boss. Your competitor. The neighbors' kids. All of them. And suddenly time seems to fly. MondayTuesdayWeds...it's suddenly April! What happened to January?!!!? And there are deadlines and bills and calendar events and birthdays and....there are no sexy times, no one to tell you all the obsessing about killing all these young people is bad, bad bad BAD.
And that's how I stopped writing sexy and became a writer of suspense with emphasis on stalker serial killers who torture and murder beautiful young women. And then I kill off the male protagonist because he Yelled Stupid Stuff at my FBI profiler so he deserves to be murdered too. And gory, gory, gory, I revel in glorious gory details of each death.
No more humor! No more sexiness!
It all makes sense!
And oh, I didn't forget. APRIL's FOOL! (I told you I'm forgetful....)
Also, ever since I signed out of Blogger to stop Google's new tracking policy, it seems so much easier to stay signed out. I hate Google's new policy that much.
But yeah, I'm back to report on Book, Writing and Roofing. Romantic Times Convention is coming up and you know where I'm going!
VIRTUALLY HERS UPDATE
To read & comment on the poll (left column), click HERE. Thank you for all the wonderful posts there!
UPDATE: I SOLD THE SERIES TO SAMHAIN!
Here's your UBER VIRTUALLY HERS YAK THREAD!
Follow The Glow
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
It has come to this.